Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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