Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
two words...techno handjob
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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