I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
