As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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