wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
