Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
