hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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