you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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