I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
