Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
