I don't think brook has ever known best
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The Olympian is in my bed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
