Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
