His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
