I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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