every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
