I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
