apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
