The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
