dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
