I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
