He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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