i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
