He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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