She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
