What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
