My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
