What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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