Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
