Soap is not a condiment
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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