Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
