either way he was missing a nipple.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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