And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no, he came in my armpit
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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