i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
