Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
