does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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