dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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