You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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