Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
