his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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