We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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