Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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