Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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