He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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