That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
