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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
