Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
