Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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