I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
