Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
