Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
