So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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