it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
