it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
