Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
