Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
