so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
