Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
