I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
