Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
