please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
