ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
