these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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