would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
