Just cropdusted the office
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
