I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
