I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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