is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
