I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
