The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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