just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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