Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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