i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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