Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
