and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
