sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
