Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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