My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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